Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
