and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
