i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
