so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
