Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You don't make any sense
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