i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
