I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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