Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
