i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
nutella sex= disaster
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
