You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
