Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
