My room smells like vodka and shame
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
