She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
