John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
