found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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