I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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