i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
