She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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