when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
