just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Randomize
