So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
