420 ftw
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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