i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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