one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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