Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
