she kept yelling 'call me bella'
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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