Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Green mimosas i think yes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
