The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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