There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize