my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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