I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
