i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
