yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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