Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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