Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
