that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
