I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
