god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My vagina just recognized that song.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
