Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
