why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
