Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
