I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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