he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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