My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
