If i could tip my vagina, i would.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
