I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
