so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
