i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
