Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
