I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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