he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize