This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
