i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
