You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
