The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
