you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
