I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
