he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
