I think I am morally bankrupt
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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