The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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