Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
