is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Im part way to drunk.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
