And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
