Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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