so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
