look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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