he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
