That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize