dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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