remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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